Echuse Me Please !!!

Some people needs help with everything. They can’t take a decision of their own and need directions for everything. I usually try to help out these people as much as I can. I consider it same as my directional (non) sense. But these type of people have given me plenty to laugh about.( People get to laugh a lot on my directional sense …So its perfectly fine for me to laugh ….)
I have a couple of friends who fits this bill perfectly … one is ‘J’ and the other is ‘N’ (names not included for health safety issues).

‘J’ has been in USA for about 3 years now. He has done his Masters here and usually the first thing students do after reaching US is to take membership (free) in all the movie sites like malluterminal, videoduniya etc. So I was pretty surprised when he asked me how to watch a movie in malluterminal last month (He wanted to watch Nasrani – The mammootty movie).

Me: Eda…Go to malluterminal and go to new online movies.
J : What do you mean by go ??
Me : Sorry ..open IE and type that address in there.
J: And then …
Me : Go to new online Malayalam movies
J : You mean click on it ..
Me : (Sigh ) Yes…and when you are in ... click on the link that says ‘Nasrani’
J : Ok…and then
Me : Now you should see a window with the movie in it..Enjoy…
J : Ok…and then
Me : Close your laptop and sleep for 5 hours ..
J : you serious
Me : Hit play you $##$# !!!!

My other friend ‘N’ is in India. He is doing his PhD and working as a Research Assistant in Mumbai. One day he calls me up at night ….

N : Eda…very urgent…I have a question regarding MS Office.
Me : Eda…I know…u might want to write a macro right…but I am not that
confident with VB and all those stuff
N : No man…I was typing something in MS Word and I have reached the end of the
page. Do you have any idea how to go to the next page.
Me : hmm….That’s a tough one…try hitting Enter.
N : Thanks man…you are a genius !!

N later confessed that he was tensed and couldn’t remember even the most basic things since he had a big presentation the next day. I perfectly understand…happens to all of us.

We were having our usual weekend party at my house last day and ‘J’ was the one in charge of re-filling the glasses. He poured whisky and soda into every glass ..

Me : Eda … 2 ice cubes for me.
J : Where do you keep the ice cubes ?
Me : We usually keep it in the bedroom locker…where do you keep it ?
J : Be serious…where is it ? ( He didn’t get it .. even at this moment !!)
A (Another friend): Where do we usually find ice?
J : ohhh….athu njan orthilla ( I didn’t think of that )

Both of these guys are in the marriage market right now.... I always think of their first night ... ( chiiii....not in that way ). Imagine the girls dilemna when the guy asks for directions after the initial cuddling....

Girl : umma...I love you da
Guy : I love you too da...
Girl : Proceed chetta...pls proceed
Guy : Echuse Me...Can you tell me what is to be done next.
Girl : ( being a bharateeya naari ) *shy* *silence*
Guy : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz